i want to stab,

i want to cut,

i want to hold

my heart

in my bare hands,

and i want to

scream,

cry,

yell,

and feel,

feel pain.

pain is something

i no longer know,

i want to know

what pain

feels.

what hurt feels.

what the blade feels

on my skin.

what the crimson liquid

looks like

on my

pale skin.

i want to

know

what

the sting,

the pain,

the agony

feels like.

so if i

cut,

stab,

burn

me,

can i fire

a bullet

through my

heart?

to see the scar,

to hear the sirens,

to feel the burn,

to see the emergency lights,

to see life float

away?

can the pain

be

justified?

can the s-h

be justified?